Stranger Danger

Many of the Samaritans from that town believed
in him Jesus because of the woman's testimony,
"He told me everything I ever did." And because
of her words many more became believers. John 4:39-41

Lostology Law #9

It is tough to trust a stranger.

I heard him coming long before I saw him. I was washing my hands in the church rest room when his loud, high-pitched voice bounced around the corner and reverberated off the tiles. As he entered the room, he banged the metal door for good measure and continued singing full blast. He rounded the corner, racing for his destination.

As he came 'round the tile wall behind the door, he saw me. Silence. Frozen kid. There he stood, about five years old, shorts, T-shirt, freckled face--a boy I had never seen before. He stared at me, unsure of what to do or say. What a dilemma. From the speed with which he entered the rest room, he was obviously on an urgent mission. My presence complicated matters. Amused, but not showing it, I stared back at him without saying a word.

After a moment, he shifted his weight, put his hands on his hips, pulled himself up to his most intimidating height, looked me square in the eyes and demanded, "Are you a stranger?" The question hung in the air. I waited, matching his intense gaze. "No," I replied without emotion. He nodded his head, gave me one more examining took, then simply said, "That's good." And with that he raced past me into one of the rest room stalls.

Choosing Your Stranger

Strangers are complicated people. Ask any kid who has been through stranger-danger training in school. There are good strangers and rotten strangers and it is tough to tell one from the other. Who can you trust? If you are lost and need directions, what type of stranger do you talk to?

• strangers in gas stations or in convenience stores?
• strangers in fast-food restaurants or strangers on the street?
• men strangers or women strangers?
• younger strangers or older strangers?
• boss strangers or worker strangers?
• busy strangers or strangers just standing around?

Most of us go through this stranger-selection process without realizing the complicated decision making we are doing. As lostologists, we must become aware of what we feel in these situations and the decisions we make. What we learn can provide helpful insights into how we relate to spiritual seekers.

If there are no other options, we will seek help from strangers. That does not mean we like it. The world is filled with crazy people. How do we know the stranger we ask will help rather than hurt us. He could be an ax-murderer working part-time at the convenience store or an escapee from the mental ward cooking hamburgers. Perhaps the stranger we talk to will give us the wrong directions. Who says he knows more about the area than we do? Dealing with strangers is an intimidating business.

Starting with Friends

Is it any wonder we prefer to talk with someone we know when we need help? That is why we stop at a pay phone and call a friend to ask directions rather than talk to the mechanic at the service station. We will drop by a friend's house and ask directions before we will stop at the local Burger King and admit to a teenager cashier that we are lost. Only when we are out of friends do we turn to strangers. Even then, we don't like it.

The ninth law of lostology builds on this experience and applies it to evangelism. This laws states: It is tough to trust a stranger. When seekers recognize their need for spiritual directions, they don't know who to talk with and where to seek help. Most secular people do not have close Christian friends who can answer their questions or recommend a church. So what are their alternatives?

If their current situation creates enough pressure in their lives, they may venture out alone in search of spiritual answers. Some Sunday, they may show up at a church they have heard about or seen. They may even call a church office and ask to speak with the pastor. These steps require a great deal of initiative and a willingness to take risks--more initiative and risk than many seekers are willing to take.

Seekers want to turn to people they know. They think through their circle of friends and acquaintances and try to identify someone who is "into religion." Perhaps it is simply someone who has mentioned attending church. Perhaps the friend is someone who has attempted to share her faith with the seeker in the past. Only now, confronted with new problems and pressures, the seeker is highly receptive. Sensitive Christians recognize how much a friend is needed at this critical time. Seekers need someone they can trust, possibly even someone who can introduce them to others who can help them find answers.

Jesus: The Intriguing Stranger

It is interesting how people entered into relationships with Jesus. Many encountered Him on their own with no previous introduction; they simply took the leap and trusted Him. But many others came to Jesus on the testimony and introduction of someone they knew.

On one occasion, Jesus encountered an outcast Samaritan woman at a well on the outskirts of her town (see John 4). When Jesus tried to talk with her--an unbelievable breach of etiquette for that day--she was appropriately guarded. But Jesus, the master relationship builder, gently guided her into a conversation using an intriguing series of questions and statements.

First Jesus asked, "Will you give me a drink?" This allowed Him to talk to her about the well, the water, and being thirsty. Jesus then said, "If you knew the gift of God and who it is that asks you for a drink, you would have asked him and he would have given you living water." This captured the woman's attention.

Then Jesus changed the subject to her husband. "Go," Jesus said, "call your husband and come back." He knew she had already had five husbands and was currently living with a man. His statement touched the deepest hurts and fears in her life.

Overcome by the discussion, the woman said, "I know that the Messiah is coming. When he comes, he will explain everything to us." Jesus said to her, "I who speak to you am he."

Jesus captured her attention and touched her heart. In the end, she believed that He was the promised Messiah. She found her trustworthy stranger.

The woman met Jesus alone; no one opened the way for her initial contact with Him. But the encounter was so powerful that she ran back into town and told everyone about the man she had met. On the strength of her testimony, the entire town headed out to meet Jesus. Her encounter helped others trust Jesus. She built a bridge for them to cross.

The Bridge of Friendship

Secular people usually come to Christ over bridges of friendships. A trusted friend helps the seeker ease into a church and learn about Christ.

Sarah, one of the most memorable seekers to find Christ at Westside, was a bridge builder. She used her warm way with people to invite her friends and coworkers to come to our church. Paul was one who came. When she brought him, she made a special point to introduce him to me. He was open and receptive from our first encounter.

I found out later that Sarah had been telling Paul about me and our church for some time. Initially he was reluctant; but circumstances in his life changed, and he eventually agreed to attend a service. In time, Paul and I became friends. That friendship led to wonderful conversations about what it means to become a Christian. His journey to Christ took months, but finally he completed that journey. A few months after I left Westside, Paul became a Christian--the fruit of the seeds Sarah planted in his life months before.

I never would have had that relationship with Paul if Sarah had not helped. He was open to me because Sarah prepared him to be open. Through her, I became a trustworthy stranger and had the chance to help Paul find Christ. Sarah built the bridge to me; I built the bridge to Christ. Paul walked across.

Intentional Bridge Building

Few seekers are ready to trust Christ the first time they hear the gospel. It is difficult for adults to reverse a lifetime of beliefs and values on the basis of a one-shot presentation of spiritual truth. Certainly it happens, but I have learned not to count on it.

In Portland we helped seekers by inviting them to become part of our church family, not as members, but as people who shared our life together. As a group, we worked to become friends, not strangers to these people.

In that network of friendship, we exposed our new friends to the message of Christ in multiple ways. We invited them to worship with us, to work with us, to fellowship with us. We welcomed their questions. When we had church business meetings, we asked them to attend. We opened our lives to them so they could see the reality of our faith in the way we lived and related to each other. Before they could receive the message of Christ from us, they had to trust us. This took time. But it was worth all the time it took.

Bridge Building Steps

The most effective way to reach people for Christ is for Christians to work together and build bridges of relationships. Sometimes this happens spontaneously. More often, it is intentional. Here are a few practical steps you can take to build relationships with spiritual seekers.

If you are a new Christian, you probably know many non-Christians. Introduce your friends and family members to some Christian friends or to your pastor. Try to connect people who share things in common. Look for natural, casual settings such as parties or social gatherings and let people get acquainted. If the relationship develops, fine. If not, do not push it. Keep watching for a match that works.

If you are a Christian with few non-Christian friends, work with the newer Christians in your church. Get to know their friends and family members. Plan informal social gatherings together. Invite the new members and their friends to a party at your home, or meet for lunch one day. Watch for opportunities to nurture relationships with these people. For many longtime Christians, this is one of the best ways to broaden contacts with secular people.

As Christians seeking to reach secular people, we must be willing to give them time to consider following Christ. We must build friendships and nurture relationships. The ninth law of lostology reminds us that it is tough for them to trust a stranger. Knowing this, we take time and build trust. This is the best way to overcome "stranger danger."

The Lostology Lab

1. When you are lost, do you prefer to ask directions from someone you know rather than from a stranger? Why?
2. When you are lost, where do you stop to ask directions? Why?
3. When you stop, with what type of person do you prefer to talk? Why?
4. Since many non-Christians do not have close friends who are Christians, who will they talk with when they begin to search for spiritual answers?
5. Do you know a non-Christian who came as a total stranger to your church? Why did he come to your church? What happened?
6. Why is it important for Christians to work together and build relationships with non-Christians?
7. What strategies have you used to build relationships with non-Christians? What have you done to introduce your non-Christian friends to other Christians? How have you developed relationships with non-Christians who are friends with someone you know?

Coming Next: Don't Miss The Signs

What signs indicate that someone is considering an important spiritual decision? Pay attention. They are so subtle, you may miss them. As a lostologist, you cannot allow that to happen. The next chapter will help you spot the signals seekers give when they are ready to begin a spiritual search.