There's More to the Question

Now a man came up to Jesus and asked, "Teacher, what good thing must I do to get eternal life?" Matthew 19:16

Lostology Law #10

People ask for directions without revealing their true emotions.

When I ask directions, I am calm and controlled. "Excuse me," I say. "Can you tell me how to get to Bucksnort, Tennessee?" I smile, listen intently, say thank you, then get back in my car and drive away. "My, wasn't he calm and controlled," people say as I leave. (Actually, I don't know if they say that or not, but they should!) If they only knew. My calm outer self masks a smoldering volcano of emotions. Here's why:

First, I never stop and ask directions until I have absolutely no other options. Therefore, by the time I stop, frustration has been building for a long time.

Second, I never stop for directions, even if I have no options, unless there is an important place I need to be. I just continue to drive around indefinitely. The fact that I stop for directions indicates that I am not only lost, but I am late.

Third, the fact that I am asking directions is a sure sign that someone is in the car with me. In all but the rarest of situations, even if I am lost and need to be somewhere important, I refuse to stop and ask directions unless someone in the car with me--generally someone related to me by birth or marriage--is badgering me to stop.

So as I calmly request directions, don't be fooled--it is a cover-up. I am close to an emotional breaking point brought on by a combination of nagging and frustration. My question may sound calm and controlled. I may appear calm and controlled. I am not. In reality, I am in crisis. My emotions are raging torrents threatening to break out of their banks and wash away all in their midst.

Don't push me when I am in this emotional state. Don't make me wait in line. Don't even think about giving me a condescending look. I may erupt. Like Mount Saint Helens, I may spew emotional lava over everything. Don't be fooled by the surface-level question; there is more to it. The fact that I ask the question is serious business to me. Don't miss it. Don `t underestimate it.

Just Below the Surface

Think back on the times you have stopped and asked directions. Picture yourself standing in that gas station talking with a mechanic. Remember him? What did he see when he looked at you? How would he describe you?

• Did you drop to your knees and cling to his leg begging him to tell you how to find the intersection of Main and Elm streets?
• Did you lay your head down on his tool box and sob uncontrollably?
• Did you grab him around the neck in a choke hold and shake his head side to side saying: "This is it, buddy. Give me directions. I'm desperate."

No way. You tried to look cool and calm. You probably did not wait as long as I did before you stopped, but you were still stretched emotionally. The question you asked masked the emotions you felt. That mechanic may have mistakenly assumed that since you looked calm and your question was controlled, you were really all right. Wrong. Your question did not tell the whole story.

Peeking behind the Statement

Jesus always tuned in to the people He met. He listened to their questions and even noticed what was not said, discerning the underlying issues.

One night, a spiritual bigwig came to Jesus (see John 3). Nicodemus was a leader among the Pharisees, and he was reluctant to let his powerful friends know he was talking to Jesus, the back-woods Messiah. Therefore, he came at night so he could talk to Jesus alone. Nicodemus began the conversation with what he intended as a compliment: "Rabbi, we know you are a teacher who has come from God. For no one could perform the miraculous signs you are doing if God were not with him" (John 3:2).

Good start. An ordinary person could have missed the significance of the statement but not Jesus. He knew it was a smoke screen for a man desperately seeking God: "In reply Jesus declared, `I tell you the truth, unless a man is born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God'" (John 3:3).

Boom! Straight for the spiritual jugular. No messing around here. Jesus knew this man was on a mission. Nicodemus was lost and asking for directions. Jesus wanted him to have all he came for, plus more. Jesus wanted him to be born again.

Sunday Morning Signals

It was a very big deal when a seeker showed up for services at our church in Portland. I did not understand the significance at first. Over time, I discovered that no seeker wakes up on Sunday morning and casually says, "I don't think I'll go to the coast or the mountains today. Church sounds good. That's what I'll do; I'll go to church."

No, if seekers walked in the door, something was going on. Usually, they were reacting to a crisis in their lives--a troubled marriage, problems with their kids, problems at work, some personal issue. Coming to church once . . . that was an important indicator. Coming to a service the second time . . . that was a sure sign God was at work in their lives.

Not only was church attendance a sign of awakening spiritual interest, but requests to "get together" became another indicator. It was amusing, how most people brought up the subject. "Would you like to get together sometime?" they would ask. "No big deal. I just had a couple of things I wanted to talk with you about."

Calm, collected questions and comments. I could have missed the emotions lurking beneath the surface, but I learned to recognize them. When we did get together, they would dump their entire emotional truck on me revealing the full range of issues that drove them to this point in their lives. How tragic if I had said, "I'm sorry. This is a busy time for me. Can we get together next month?" More than likely, there would not have been a next month. The opportunity would have been lost.

Sensitive to the Signals

Many Christians miss the signals from seekers. We do not intend to miss them. We are simply not sensitized to the subtle ways seekers ask for help. Here are a few examples.

Christians in an adult Sunday school class visit together, eating doughnuts and drinking coffee, while a seeker couple sits alone, waiting for class to start. The Christians miss the significance of the seekers' presence. Fellowship among the Christians crowds out time for interaction with a new couple tentatively searching for spiritual answers.

During conversation, a seeker may ask a question about the Bible or about church. Often, Christians dismiss the question as small talk and fail to probe for what is on the person's mind. Other times, Christians feel uncomfortable or ill-prepared to talk about spiritual matters. How tragic. What they know, as inadequate as it may be, could be just what the seeker needs to hear.

A coworker may ask where a Christian attends church. The Christian answers without recognizing that the question may indicate an interest in attending church. More than that, the seeker may be looking for an invitation to attend a particular church. Often Christians miss these opportunities because they do not want to appear pushy.

A Signal Sampler

When seekers take a step of action in their spiritual searches, they do not carry a sign that says: "Don't miss me. I'm ready to talk about God." Usually, their signals are subtle. Assume that if any of the following things happen, a seeker is signaling spiritual interest:

The Question Signal. Pay attention to any question that has anything to do with spiritual matters. Seekers do not ask questions about the Bible or about attending church because they are suddenly curious. The questions show some sort of spiritual activity in their lives. God is at work, and we must take their questions seriously.

The Church Attendance Signal: It is always significant when seekers come to church. When they show up, Christians should assume God is at work in their lives. Going to church is one way seekers attempt to respond to their spiritual confusion.

The Christian Literature Signal: Pay attention when seekers tell you they have started reading the Bible or a religious book. What they read indicates a need in their lives. They are searching and we must try and understand what is prompting the search.

The Christian Broadcasting Signal: When non-Christians mention they listened to a Christian radio program or watched a Christian program on television, ask some follow-up questions. Find out what they thought about the program. Ask them to tell you about the speaker's message. Monitor their reactions to see how they responded.

The Christian Fellowship Signal: If seekers join with Christians in some sort of fellowship activity, the event has spiritual significance. For some seekers, attending a fellowship activity with a Christian friend is a trial-balloon to help them decide if they will attend a church service later. The seekers will evaluate the Christians in the fellowship setting to see if there is anything distinctive about their lives.

With seekers, the spiritual signals are subtle but clear. As lostologists, we know the importance of these signals and must never take them for granted. Beneath the calm, controlled questions and other subtle signals hides a person seeking God. We, as Christians, must be ready to provide the directions that help seekers take the next step.

The Lostology Lab

Recall a time when you stopped and asked for directions. Now consider these questions:

• If a security video camera filmed you as you asked for directions, what would the tape have revealed? How did you look? How did you sound?
• If you had been hooked up to an Emotion Meter Monitor while you asked for directions and this meter provided a complete printout of what you were thinking and feeling, what would the printout have revealed?

Recall some of the spiritual seekers you have encountered. Think about the ways they signaled to you that they were searching for spiritual answers. Now answer these questions:

• Have you ever missed a spiritual signal from a seeker? What was the signal? Why did you miss it? How did you discover that you had missed the signal?
• Why do you think many Christians in churches fail to catch the significance of questions and other signals seekers give? What can be done to raise the sensitivity of these Christians to the seekers around them?
• Of the spiritual signals listed in this chapter, which ones have you encountered most often as you have interacted with seekers?
• Which of the signals do you consider to be the most significant?
• Which of the signals do you tend to dismiss as less significant?

Coming Next: Measured Words

All right, let's say we tune in and notice a seeker friend who is really pursuing spiritual insights. What do we do then? What do we say? How much do we say? The eleventh law of lostology covered in the next chapter helps us get ready. Without a thorough understanding of this law, our enthusiastic attempt at spiritual directions can cause real problems.